Year in Review: Inner Musings of a Wandering Soul

As I type this, a steady stream of sirens can be heard outside my window, coupled with the ongoing conversations and honking horns from the Metro rail below.  And after a full month in my new studio, I have to say, its actually kind of growing on me.

I’ve always had this idea in my head that I could never afford to live in the city and I had pretty much convinced myself that I wouldn’t like it either. I’ve never lived in the city in my entire thirty-one years of living. It’s either been the hood or the burbs. But there’s a first time for everything, right?

What Made Me Do It?

I just wanted to try something different. Das it.

I feel like this year, the Universe and I developed a budding relationship. I began to trust it more. I let my guard down. Thoughts and feelings that I never would’ve thought to act on, I did it this year. Maybe its because this is the year that I experienced one of my worst bouts of depression. I mean ugly cries, days without eating, no sleep. I lost ten pounds in a little over a week. I was functionally depressed because I mean, I still had to go to work. The beginning of the year started on a high as I waltzed right into the Thirty Club. From Cartagena to Cuba to Spain, I was on top of the world. Inspired and energetic.  And then Life was like “you’re having way too much fun kid…here, hold my beer”. It knocked me on my ass so hard late summer. Plus, I was working in a place that wasn’t a good fit. The days dragged on, so much so that I had lost track of what day it was on a consistent basis.

In the midst of another non-stop, anxiety-driven ugly cry session, I heard a voice say “Life happens. But at the end of the day, you still gotta live bish”. Its crazy how amidst all the emotional clutter and static, I was able to hear that voice. Maybe therapy was finally starting to pay off? You know that saying “God doesn’t always give you what you want. But he sure will give you what you need”? Well, I needed a swift kick in the ass.

Manifest Your Motherf***in Yes

On a whim, I went on a bookstore binge and purchased Jen Sincero’s “You Are a Badass”. It literally saved me. Journaling my positive affirmations on a daily basis. Trying to fix myself, wishing and hoping for the slightest bit of relief. It’s like that hustler college student I was at twenty, working three jobs and getting shit done by any means necessary. She pushed through. The more I did these things, I wasn’t even focused on the brokeness I had been feeling for the last three years. Shit just started to happen, ya know? And now,  well, Universe is basically bae.

Fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth- Pema Chödrön

Shit is just clear now. And honest. Laughter. Unspeakable Joy. Truth. Hope. AND my new job is awesome and exactly what I’ve been praying for (Name it and CLAIM it boo!). I officially realized that no matter what happens, Life still has to be lived. You have to become one with it as it ebbs and flows. Its like this constant restructuring of the way you think, the way you feel. But almost always for the better. Am I always the picture perfect vision of sunshine and rainbows? Haha, catch me before 8 am, pre-coffee and find out.

It almost sounds too good to be true, huh? You may be thinking “Yea, I know… just start reciting quotes and positive shit and all will be well?…ok girl”. But real is real. That’s literally all it takes. You gotta start somewhere.

I’m not going to “New Year, New Me” you guys to death. I’m always going be the same Latricia. Still goofy af. Still sarcastic af. Still dramatic AF. Still down to earth. Just a little bit more hip to this game called Life.

May your 2018 be filled with a shit ton of boozie brunches, dope concerts, spine tingling vibes and bountiful blessings.

 

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